"hey bruh, I know you're bout to get married but I just want to know, how do you know, when you're ready to take that step?"
"And don't tell me, 'well you know love is just love and when you're in it, you just know'".
I believe it was a warm day in June, or maybe even July. I had been going out with my then girlfriend for about 1 year after our first break up. I was going behind her back and still talking to my ex. I went over to her house for some food. It was a Sunday afternoon, and she had cooked. My ex cooked like an old Alabama grandmamma! I mean could throw down. So I go over her house, and her dad is home, sisters and even her brother. Now I wasn't going to stay because I had to be to work, so as I'm knocking on the door, there is a little voice telling me,
"you know you shouldn't be here
I went over too him and he asked, "so when are you going to stop playing games and start dating ****** (my ex). I know she likes you, you know she likes you and everyone else knows ya'll like each other. So stop playing around and do it.."
Then I responded to him.
"That's why I come over here almost every Sunday. It's cause I do love her, but it's like she doesn't love me back and I've told her time and time again that I love her."
Then he told me something that made me think of my now current fiance, but then girlfriend.
"Listen to me, you don't owe her anything. If she doesn't want to be with you then find someone who does. And you'll know you got her when even when you're angry at her, you don't want to be.
1) If you're mad at your boyfriend or girlfriend and I mean you're furious, but when you look at them, you can't help but think to yourself how can I make this right, cause I don't want to be mad at them.
2) Conversation has to last longer than the ejaculation. Ya'll can have sex all day every day, but can't talk to each other. If conversation is hard to come by, if he can't make you laugh, and he keeps giving you headaches, then run. If she is just bland, mono-tone, one sided and just not a joy to be around... run.
Look at her home life. Look at how she grew up. Look at how her mother is, or look at how his father is. Its a good chance they'll turn out the same way. Think to yourself, will this person take care of me if I'm sick? will this person love me if I can never talk again? will this person honor me forever?
Listen when me and my fiance first started dating she was dry and very short answered, I used to ask myself, if she would give more than just one word answers and if she would ever break out of her shell with me, cause she was very shy. Then 4 years later, I can't get her to shut up. Sometimes you just have to give people time. Back when we first started dating she didn't cook, she could make a few things, but then one day she showed up to work with fried Talipia, carrots and red roasted potatoes. She couldn't throw down, but she was learning. She knew I liked to eat, so she wanted me to eat her cooking, and not spend my Sundays at the pastor's daughters house. Guess what, I haven't been back since cause her cooking is much more important to me. Ladies, even if you can't cook, even if you can cook but can't THROW-DOWN, the saying:
"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
"Oh well shoot, I don't need to cook, cause he can cook."
Emotional cheating is the same as cheating.
She looked at me like I had just cursed her out. She was shocked that I would rather spend 30 dollars to have some lady rub my feet and clip my toenails, than sit in a room and do them myself. But that's not the reason, it's the principal and the fact that my feet were killing me. Though now she still doesn't understand why I would want to pay 30 bucks to get it done, she doesn't fight me on it. Why? Cause she knows she's not going to do it, and those people up the street will.
That is just part of the reason why I love her, and the third reason how you know you love someone:
When you meet someone they have things they like and things you don't like. Habits you love and habits your hate. The habits you love are easy, but the ones you hate, are the ones that make you think about breaking up with someone.
I remember our first day of marriage counseling. The pastor told us to do an exercise and write down 20 things we liked about this person, things we didn't like and things we were on the fence about. We went through each one of them numbering the things 1 - 3. 1 for if it doesn't bother me, 2 for if it kind of bothers me, but 3 for it something you can't stand.
The pastor asked us how many 3's were on our papers. She didn't have any, but I had one. It was a comment about about her not letting me do poetry as much as I wanted too.
I thought she was trying to take the poet out of me, cause during the wedding planning stage she said she didn't let me spend money at open mics. So I was trying my best to respect her wishes but it felt more like, as the weeks and months went on, that I was like a junkie without a hit. I was going through withdrawal. I was calling people with headaches and stomachaches all because I couldn't perform. I was physically getting sick. But to her, this was non-sense. She thought:
"Oh you can't get sick from not doing poetry..."
"If you give me one year of no poetry (but she meant less), then I'll give you a life time. All next year, with no questions asked, you can go and do as many open mics, writing events and things that you want to do."
Look inward on all of things the person your with is like and I'm going to tell you like the pastor told me.
"If there is something about this person that if they never changed for the rest of their life, could you live with it?"
My woman loves flowers, back when I first met her I didn't know anything about flowers except what a rose was. My best friend told me.
You have to study her, just like you would anything else. If she loves flowers then learn about flowers.
1) Can I not stay mad at this person (regardless of what they have done)?
2) Do you have mind stimulating conversation?
3) Does that person allow you to be you?